Deep questions to ask your partner to get to know them better
by Theresa Akpan on Mar 31, 2022
Due to everyday work life and tasks, sometimes all we ever discuss with our partner are logistics, a summary of how the day went, and our itinerary for the next day.
We never really get to know our partner deeply, all we know is on the surface, and with time, you will realize that you genuinely don't know your partner because they will be making decisions based on who they are, not who you think they are.
So, instead of getting stuck in asking "how are you?" all the time, get to know who they are.
How do you get to know who your partner is?
You know your partner when you know their general traits, personal concerns, and self-narrative. These are referred to as the "three levels of knowing," the stages people go through to become intimate friends, lovers or companions.
The first level is the general traits and is easily known by your day-to-day conversation with your partner. You will be able to ascertain their personality just through typical conversations.
Level 2, which is the personal concerns, is where you get to know their goals, motivations and values, and this happens naturally when you live with them, travel with them or ask questions.
Self-narrative is the 3rd level, and this involves knowing someone based on how they make sense of their purpose and journey through life.
It could seem a little bit overwhelming to start thinking about the right questions that would make your partner tell you these deep thoughts, so we've put together a few questions that could help you achieve this.
We are going to discuss this based on categories. Ready? Let's get started.
Family is very important, and if you are looking to become a parent, it is important that you know if your partner is on the same page as you.
You also need to know how they intend to relate with their parents and relatives. The following questions will help you realize what your partner thinks about family.
- Do you want to have kids?
- If yes, how many kids do you want?
- If not, why?
- Do you want to live far or near relatives?
- How do you plan on taking care of your parents when they get old?
What are your partner's values? You should know what is important to them, as this determines their priorities and how they act. Questions like:
- Which family values do you hold dear? Which are not?
- Would you rather acquire material items or experiences?
- Should one ever tell a lie? And in which scenario?
- When, if ever, is it okay to break the law?
- How often do you go out of your way to help someone?
What are their goals and motivation? This category covers both life goals, work goals, and relationship goals. Remember, you want to get to know them better in all aspects, not just relationship-wise.
However, you should also ask questions about their relationship goals. If your partner has a different goal from yours, it could affect your relationship.
So you need to ensure that the questions of goals cover delicate areas such as creating a family, emotional support, problem-solving, financial goals, etc. You could ask questions like:
- What thought or object gets you through the day?
- Do you find praise or criticism to be more motivating?
- What inspires you to better yourself?
- What mistake did you learn the most from?
- What is your financial outlook right now?
- What's your preferred living location?
The questions above cover the general questions on their life, work and financial goals. If you need questions about relationship goals, then the Conversation Cards for Married Adults or New Couples by J & A homes store has every question you need to know where you stand in your relationship.
This is an important category that everyone would like to know their partner's thoughts. You don't want to be strung along for so long thinking all is fine when it isn't.
You also don't want to have a different opinion about a topic like splitting costs without knowing your partner's thoughts. So, you should ask the following questions to know what your partner thinks about most relationship topics.
- Do you think opposite genders can maintain a friendship without developing a love interest?
- What is an unforgivable action?
- In your opinion, can long-distance relationships survive?
- Do you think a couple should split costs?
- Do you think it's better to save money or invest?
- How should household chores be divided?
- What do you look for in a significant other?
- What is the most important thing in a relationship? (e.g. trust, respect, etc.)
- How often should a couple argue or fight to maintain a healthy relationship?
These are important days and activities, so you should know what your partner prefers and which holiday they like the best. This will help you plan a better birthday, party, holiday or surprise event.
What was your best birthday?
If you could only celebrate one holiday each year, what would it be?
Do you prefer family events or alone time?
Provided there is good weather, do you enjoy indoor or outdoor activities?
What is your ideal wedding ceremony?
Describe your perfect vacation.
What is the best concert you've ever attended?
What events are on your bucket list?
Believe it or not, you should know what stresses your partner out. This way, you could help them de-stress and avoid scenarios that may trigger stress or anxiety. The following questions below can help you know this.
- Is there anything that gives you overwhelming anxiety?
- How do you handle high-stress situations?
- What is the most stress-inducing thing that could happen at work?
- What helps you decompress?
- Is there a smell that instantly relaxes you?
What if you ask your partner these questions in a more fun way?
You could both play a card game, not just any card game but the Romantic Card Games For Couples for Married Adults or New Couples by J & A homes store.
This 100 card deck game contains 100 heartfelt questions that can help you know your partner deeper, ease stress and bring a spark of joy into any relationship. It explores a wide range of topics, including family, romantic relationships, past memories, dreams, secrets and goals.
Since it's a card game, the best part is that you could play the game over a bottle of wine. Who wouldn't love that? Pour a glass of red wine while having a great time with your partner.
With the Conversation Cards for Married Adults or New Couples by J & A homes store, there are no complicated rules when you're with each other. Simply pick a talk card and enjoy the questions asked. Even if you want to ask intimate questions - this is just the right adult game for you.
Our final say!
We've covered several deep questions that will help you know "who your partner is," what they stand for, and how they feel about your relationship. We also recommended our 100 deck Relationship Card Game for Married Adults or New Couples, which has most of these questions and more heartfelt questions that will not only help you understand who your partner is but will help you deepen the love and admiration you have for them.
We believe you will be armed with enough information about your partner with the question we shared in this article and the ones in our 100 deck card game. Do not forget that it is a two-way street. You ask them, and they ask you also. We hope you have a pleasant time asking these questions.